Saturday, August 05, 2006

Of bulldozers and kings

  • India's contribution to the New Oxford Dictionary this year::

    PPOE- (you say point to point over Ethernet..i say ur a mad geeky goat or a software engineer..both are the same i guess!!)


    Pull Prince (not the pop-rock-rap star) Over the Earth- noun. a new phenomenon observed in certain pockets in North western and northern India with its epicenter as Kurukshetra.It involves constructing(!) pits of 6~8 inches in diameter with ample provisions for ventilation, sanitation and food and sending your own child, generally of 5~8 years of age to live there for a coupla days.By the time the child gets habituated to the life in the hole...ppl outside call the local police, the 83rd Infantry Corps of the Indian National Army, the Mumbai, Delhi and Chennai fire brigade and lately even the Andaman division of the Indian Navy in the event of the pits getting filled with water during the monsoon.All the involved parties then formulate a strategy to pull the child alive...and then after lotsa top level delibrations the child escapes the torture..and apparently this enables the child to get free medication, free education and atleast a coupla lakh of rupees as pocket money...after all the psyche of the child is likely to be scarred for ever by the 5star treatment it receives Down Under..this latest craze has spawned an entire new face to the economy of these regions.
    1) all temples right from Pittsburg to Patiala to Pandharpur now have special pooja and prarthana for the child's well being.
    2) P.R.Y. an NGO has started a new website for the latest updates on the details of the burrowing children...u can order for special poojas at the above mentioned temples from here...and avail tax benefits under section 88C
    3) All the bore-well lorries...( the ones which carry deep boring mechanisms) from the districts of Coimbatore and Ramanathapuram in Tamil Nadu have gone missing...most of them have been reported to be lined up on the Mathura-Delhi-Shimla highway where maximum remuneration is observed
    4) Truckloads of sand for construction is being exported to other states from here at solid discounted rates
    5) The Bill~Melinda Gates foundation has instituted scholarships to PPOE afflicted children
    6) Psychiatrists all over India are having a field day....
    7) The Finance Bill makes special provisions for allocation of funds to the hundreds of Raajkumars under a new scheme called Prince Salim rehabilitation scheme..the allocated amount is slightly lower than the combined outlay for Sports development and IIT~IIM annual budgets
    8) Under the weight of a tremendous presentation made by yours truly our esteemed company has decided to take up LSTK projects ( lumpsum turnkey..if u don't know...) with detailed engineering to facilitate the affected ppl to get a wee bit heavier at their pockets. Am expecting a raise now for the company has decided to charge a lumpsum fee of one sixth of the profit availed as consultancy charges..
    9) Last and most importantly a few English and all Hindi news channels have set up flying squads which are always on the lookout for 'San sanees' of this kind..
    so folks next time the hay stack in your neighbour's farm catches fire u know whom to call...of course the Media silly!!
    whoever told we Indians are not industrious??

    P.S.-
    The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.
    -H.L.Mencken




    ( in the event some madder goat decides to sue me for this....kindly note it is pure fiction on the road to reality)

2 comments:

Hiren said...

Well instead of san-sanee, the tv channels should be exposing local issues. Take a look at my post if interested.

Arvind the terrible said...

local issues...?? ever seen a channel like Sahara Mumbai...
they map the movement of every part of Rakhi u know who's anatomy...
the bastards!!